Step 5 Facing the Compulsions

I have been thinking about this particular issue on and off for the last couple of years and think it’s worth writing about. With any kind of personal development (or probably physical development for that matter) the gains are only made at the boundaries. They are only made when you somehow find the courage to challenge the boundary and go beyond it. I don't use the word 'courage' lightly either as it is most definitely required when trying to overcome any kind of OCD and probably any kind of personal issue that is a challenge to you. You can go along when the sun is shining and think that you are doing well. The world is aligned for you at this particular moment, you've been getting some great feedback from work, your friends have been telling you how great you are, you've been getting into football and been getting the blood pumping through your body, your team has just won the cup; the sun is quite literally shining and you feel good, supported and uplifted. The OCD thoughts are not quite as bad at this point, the anxiety is being kept in check with the feeling good hormones and you think you may have cracked it. But of course, you haven't and it is with some alarm that it comes back in buckets. This, by the way, is if you're lucky. Many people don't even get to this stage and live in the world of OCD permanently. Never the less, the gains are made not at these times but pushing through when the going is rough. Basically, at the exact point when you don't want to get out of bed, you don't want to push back on a compulsion as it makes you feel safe, you don't want to eat healthily or go for that walk or run. This is the key, with conscious thought, to push through this and do what needs to be done. 

Stopping compulsions is on some levels quite a fascinating but crazy activity. For example, with ROCD you might have an obsession that your partner just isn't clever enough and you could never be with someone who wasn't much smarter. In it pops, thought. Annoying. Well, that's OK as I've just had another split-second thought afterwards when I remembered a time when he was actually very intelligent and got an answer at a Quiz right that even I didn't know. See he isn't so thick after all. Phew. Well, phew for all of a few seconds. So, what do you do? What is it that you absolutely have to do to get better? You have to go back to the original thought or one very much like it and sit with it, almost revel in its hideousness and wait for the anxiety to go. It may take a few minutes or much longer but it will go. That takes courage to re-imagine the thought that scared you and to live through it again but this time for longer as you know how strong that feeling of feeling panicky and scared is. But you have to do it, if you want to get better. It won't actually kill you and you will get better as the thoughts will stop having so much power of you and eventually realise that it really doesn't matter whether they are the right person for you at this time, what level their IQ is and you will realise the world is totally uncontrollable and you are just making the best of it.
It is at those times, going back after you have done the compulsion and re-imaging the horrible thought that the work is done. The boundary is moved at that point and that is where you will develop and, in this case, get better from ROCD. I'm pretty sure it works for anything though. It’s cold outside, I just want to eat chocolate and not go for a swim. What happens? Inside you feel terrible as you have no self-control, your waistline expands, you definitely know that society expects you to be going out there and living life like it’s a Hollywood commercial and of course you don't get the health benefits of getting your blood circulating and feel good hormones travelling through your body (and if you are flooded in stress hormones, there is nothing better than going out exercising as that’s exactly what those kind of hormones are designed to do anyway - get you moving).
There is an adage in psychology that tells you that you need to shine a light on the place that is the darkest, the place that you just don't want to talk about. It takes an extraordinary amount of energy and mental trickery to keep those places hidden and so it is for good reason to attempt the difficult task of bringing them to light and small step by small step overcoming them. Run into the eye of the storm is my advice. I used to have many dreams in my 30s that I was being harangued by the devil. He somehow had the ability to warp space and it was incredibly scary when his twisted voice of a thousand tormented souls challenged me. Over time as he appeared regularly I learnt to stand tall to him and face him off, to see him off. Most of the times I could feel that my legs were shaking and I did not feel confident but at least I was trying. And then, over time I eventually saw him off for good and I haven't seen him for over 12 years. It is like this with compulsions and overcoming ROCD. You need to go to those thoughts and to feel them and to realise that they don't actually have any power over you unless you actually let them. Its incredibly conceptual overcoming OCD as you have to pretend that the truth isn't the truth which is nigh on possible to do. But is possible. Do not trust in those thoughts, stand up to them, see them off by letting them standing and waiting it out. You will see that none of it is real and that you are emotionally reacting to them because you think they are true. But they aren't. 
So, the gains are made at those boundaries. Keep moving those boundaries and there is no telling where you might end up but I can guarantee you will feel proud of yourself. Proud that you have more control over yourself than it sometimes feels. I think that looking back at when I suffered terribly from ROCD, the lack of control of my own feelings was one of the worst aspects. There was seemingly nothing I could do to make myself better and I didn't belief in all the diet, exercise, sleep, community pillars of good mental and physical health, it just seemed too spurious. Well, I can tell you it’s not and doing what the book tells you will change your life if you are able to chip away at those boundaries and with conscious effort and will force your way into a new life.